Resistance is an inevitable part of the creative process and we all experience it in one form or another. You’re powering along, happily enthusiastic, pursuing a creative idea, project or business venture. And then suddenly, your heels dig in and you find you’re floundering in the mud of uncertainty. What happened? And how do you get yourself moving again?
As an author and book writing coach, I notice this a lot amongst my friends, colleagues and clients. Sometimes people get stuck near the beginning of the writing process – they have great ideas and talk a lot about their book but no action follows. Others get stuck at the end of the process. Their book is done and ready to go out into the world, while the author is dissolving into uncertainty and fear of exposure. I’ve come across this pattern over and over, with women in particular. No matter how competent we are and how confident we may appear to be, going public with a publication, an art exhibition, a teaching programme or a live event, can shake the foundations of our identity and our courage.
This has happened to me many times in my life and has revisited me this last week. I’d like to share some of my process in the hope it might throw some light on yours.
Long story short, over the last 14 years I’ve been fascinated by the process of transition and transformation and I’ve created a body of work in this field. This year, I’ve promised myself to edit and update all my programmes, books, e-books, and other products and get them onto my website so that they can go out and do their work in the world.
I’ve been moving forward with this intention happily and peacefully and consistently for several months. And now my website is ready and my first programmes are ready to offer.
Then, this week, as I started to move forward with the work of connecting with people who might be interested in my offerings, instead of a joyful forward movement, my feet hit the mud. I was taking action but my heart wasn’t fully in it. Do you know that feeling?
So what to do?
Step One: Notice and Name
I noticed my resistance and named it but I was caught in old messages. I was seeing resistance as “something wrong” that needed to be fixed. Self-judgment, that I was somehow failing to live up to my own expectations, only made me feel more resistant and unhappy.
Step Two: Reach out for Support
I always find it helps when I talk about something, however vulnerable I feel. Speaking out and being witnessed helps me to hear and witness my own story, to receive the wisdom of others, and to feel connected to a community of support and collective themes. So I posted to the authentic business community I’m part of, Masterheart, run by George Kao.
Step Three: Shift into Beginner’s Mind
Connecting with others catalysed a shift back into Beginner’s Mind. Rather than seeing my resistance as a pathology I had to fix, I became curious and trusting that there was wisdom in it and my holding back had something to tell me if only I would listen. I moved back into my witnessing self and engaged in a process of inquiry.
Step Four: Come into Alignment
Clearly, part of me had moved out of alignment with my purpose, vision and aspirations. I could see several choices at this point. 1) I could push through my resistance; 2) I could use a practice to bring me back into alignment or 3) I could enter a deeper exploration to find the origins of my muddy feet. (And as I write that I remember that lotuses grow out of the mud). I’ve used all of these strategies at different times but on this occasion a deeper exploration felt called for because I could see this hesitating at the threshold as a recurring pattern in my life and I wanted to get to the taproot.
Step Five: Listen to the Intelligence that Flows through Life
As soon as I let go of anxiety and judgement and shifted into a more loving and curious state of mind, I reconnected with the flow of life. I no longer felt separate and struggling alone but part of an extended global community who are moving into a new consciousness and new ways of doing things. As I let go of fear and dropped down into my natural self, I reconnected with the rest of nature. Then information flowed in. It’s International Women’s Day today and my friend, Joey Walters sent me a copy of the Ted talk she did recently: Rising Connected – Giving women the courage to lead.
Joey reminded me that it really does take courage to step out and offer our gifts and, although our fears arise in unique ways, there are common themes that underlie our uncertainties and self-doubts.
Step 6: Transform Self-Doubt into Wholeness
Most of us in the western world have been culturally conditioned to believe we’re not good enough, and this belief clings closely around our core essential wholeness, bringing us no end of grief until we transform it. Those of us who have been on a conscious healing and evolutionary path for some time carry vestiges of old conditioning, and these are most likely to arise in times of stress. So you’re stressed by the approach of a launch or public engagement, and this activates whatever still needs to be healed, and your stress increases. Your resiliency is now challenged.
Step 7: Prioritise Self-Care
As soon as I started to reflect on my resistance with an open mind, I realised I was really tired. In preparing for the launch of my new programmes I’d been doing a lot of detailed, left-brain, behind-the-scenes preparation, and this hyper-focused work with long hours at the computer always makes me feel more contracted than usual and less open to relationship. In order to forge through to a completion, I shut down in certain ways, and that isn’t good for my health and well-being. So I was entering into a new stage of my creative process which needed me to be more outgoing and energetic and instead I was tired and contracted. What a handicap! And, then, I ignored the little voice that kept telling me to rest and switch off, and instead went into overdrive. I got caught up in some old goal oriented, time limited messages of “hurry up” rather than relaxing and allowing the process to unfold organically and with joy and connection.
Step 8: Make Sure You Have the Right Kind of Support
I could see how this pattern has played out over and over again in the last few years as I’ve tried to spread my message without adequate support. Now, I feel I have this support available, and I also want to offer support to others.
Step 9: Guiding Principles of Transformation
Fundamental to what I’m exploring here are two guiding principles of transformative practice. The first is that we are always and already whole and our job is to remove the obstacles to the expression of this wholeness. And the second, when we are aligned with our wholeness, we are connected to and communicating with life, and everything unfolds naturally in perfect timing or synchronicity. Of course there are skills in this, it’s not simply a matter of sitting back and waiting for life to happen – we are active and co-creative participants and facilitators of life’s unfolding.
Step 10: We’re Learning to Do Things in a New Way
There are many of us now, moving from the old paradigm ways of pushing and striving towards new ways of being in the world that are more relaxed and trusting and aligned with the natural, creative, evolutionary flow of life. I don’t always get it right but every faltering step is an opportunity to re-vision. In this new more awakened consciousness, self-care is vitally important. It is only when I fully care for myself that I can care for you and for the greater wholes of which I am part. Talking the talk isn’t enough, it’s time to live it, breathe it and walk it now.
By the way, I am beginning a support group for transformation practitioners, in which I’d love to explore exactly this kind of issue, in a way that we can all support each other and, as Joey says, rise connected. If you’re interested click on the link and then drop me a message.
