I’ve been tracing the evolution of my soul work from my first soul infused business, to a major period of disillusionment and letting go, and then setting off on my soul journey. I’m doing this in the hopes of uncovering common patterns and landmarks in the soul journey; places where your journey resonates with mine and we can say, Yes! That’s it, that’s how it is! Because, in my experience, when we find those common places we all feel stronger and encouraged. And we need all our courage for this journey.
My physical transition took me to New Zealand where I lived for twenty years. New Zealand was a perfect place in which to receive a positive vision for the future which I so badly needed. With its stunning beauty, wide open skies, bright light, energetic earth, vibrant community and pioneering spirit, New Zealand has been my dreaming place and soul sanctuary.
Visions have come to me in many ways, always out of the blue, floating into my mind’s eye like dream fragments, startling me with excitement, pulling at my heart strings, motivating and enlivening me, giving me a direction, a purpose, a place to stand and belong.
In 2004 I achieved my dream of writing my first book, Migration to the Heartland, A Soul Journey in the Land of the Awakening Dawn. I loved that book and still do. There’s something so deeply satisfying about holding a book in your hand and knowing it started as a seed of inspiration and that you loved it into being. That’s the process of manifestation – inspiration being brought into form.
Other manifestations are more ephemeral and the fruits are more difficult to see. There are small groups still meeting years later after some of the experiments in community and transformational programmes I initiated. As healers, teachers, coaches and therapists we rarely know the results of our work. Very occasionally I meet someone who tells me what a difference my interventions made but mostly the joy is in the making and the offering rather than in any tangible results. This grows faith, humility and inner resourcefulness.
I am going to let my books speak to you about the big picture vision I received in New Zealand that I have been carrying and nurturing through small successes, heart breaking failures, breath taking revelations and clinging limitations. Some of my visions have been brought into form; some have been on the back burner for a long time, but they won’t let me go. Whenever I feel they are done with me, I turn my head and hear the whispering call again.
Here’s a little of how I expressed it in the last chapter of Migration to the Heartland.
There are six of us in the group, all women, each drawn from different parts of the planet to this particular spot, as if at an appointed time. Led by our longing and our vision, answering a call; we have found here in this corner of New Zealand something extraordinary: a peaceful, beautiful, healing environment which lifts the spirit. It is this we want to share with others. We dream of creating a chalice in which healing can happen, a safe place where maybe one day the businessman and the homeless youngster will sit together, see and respect each other’s humanity. It will be a haven where all comers find a place to stand, to be accepted and find self-acceptance, an experiment in creating the new paradigm of unity consciousness and developing skills for living on Earth in cooperation, co-creation, and resourcefulness. …
In 1988 I vowed to escape from the Mistaken Time, having no idea what that meant. I knew I was unhappy and I wasn’t willing to settle for unhappiness. I was alienated from the culture I was living in and had a dream of something better. I sensed both my unhappiness and my longing were not mine alone but shared more generally by a humanity trapped in a limited view of reality, and this particular time in history offered the possibility to break free from these limitations. An old way of life was dying, to make way for something new; I was one drop in this rising wave.
In 1991 I decided to go out and search for the Goddess of Poetry. Again I had no idea what that meant. I knew in the process of learning to be a Warrior of the Heart and wielding my lance for the Goddess, I had sustained wounds, and through these wounds magic that had once run through my blood had drained away. I knew the world needs this feminine magic and by committing to heal myself I was doing healing work for the world.
In 1993 I chose to follow my creative process wherever it led me. Once again I had no idea what my choice would involve. I saw the creative process as an unfolding of the self and an attempt to create meaning from experience. Writing, meditation and psychotherapy were the vehicles I chose to carry me into the mysterious landscape of the inner life.
I know for sure now the journey I’m on is an epic shared by millions of others. It’s the journey towards a more spiritual life, a life with meaning and purpose beyond the personality’s need for achievement and approval. Often I have felt I was walking the road alone, yet I know there are many others walking with me in spirit, some up ahead disappearing over the mountain ridges, others following behind setting out with similar doubts and fears. The particular mix of strength and weakness, desire and resistance, which make up my character, is uniquely mine. Yet all the themes of my life: the struggle to separate from the emotional and psychic patterns created by living within a dysfunctional family and a dysfunctional society, dependencies, disempowerment, the compulsion to be strong and independent, the hunger for love, the search for purpose, meaning and connection; these are the shared themes of our times. When I write my story truthfully, I connect with a common humanity and touch transpersonal truth…
In the years I’ve lived here in New Zealand I’ve felt privileged to have found a haven of peace, a dreaming place for poets and visionaries. Yet I also know how fast the world is changing and how quickly places of peace and beauty can be colonized by those hungry for profit. I have found here a precious yet fragile gift, like a beautiful, iridescent bubble of light that can easily be snatched and broken. Not very far away is a world in confusion and suffering; a world in which few people fulfil their magnificent human potential.
It’s a wonderful blessing to have a place of retreat where I can heal myself and make myself whole; and it’s essential to have the time to connect deeply with myself through writing and meditation, honouring the inner life; the feminine, the receptive. Yet it is not enough. There has to be a balance, a synthesis, a flow between inner and outer, yin and yang, solitude and relationship, dream and social action. I sit struggling with words and meanings, with questions of responsibility and right action.
I am being prepared for some task to facilitate the unfolding of the collective; choosing conscious evolution and deep transformation; moving through darkness and despair, failure and impotence to bring myself into the light. I see the way as nothing more nor less than remembering the wisdom and powers we have. We are creatures of much greater power than we allow ourselves to be. Through different forms of healing and deep inner journeys, we can remove the dross that has kept our wisdom hidden and clear the channels for our life-love force to flow. As I learn to inhabit more of my body-mind I’m developing a language to talk about the dream of cultural transformation; then I can connect with others of like mind and find a way to create and live this dream. As we develop consciousness we can turn our world from its hurtling towards destruction to a more humane and creative evolution.
October 7th 2015
